Having a healthy relationship with your dog comes down to two key components.
- Relationship Balance
- Relationship Dynamics
These are buzzwords your hear all the time. But what do they actually mean?
Relationship Balance
Relationship Balance means in regards to life with your dog, every day/week is divided fairly evenly into these 4 scenarios:
- Spending time together, at rest (relaxing, sleeping, low arousal affection)
- Spending time together, with purpose (playing, training, exploring, interacting)
- Being nearby, but seperate (being on the same property, but in different areas without them having access to you)
- Total separation (leaving the house without your dog.
Not balancing these (spending too much time in some of these and neglecting others) will ALWAYS lead to behavioural issues and relationship problems with your dog. This can present as:
- separation anxiety
- resource guarding of you
- resource guarding from you
- extreme FOMO
- addiction to you
- not being able to settle, rest or sleep
- not listening to you
- not knowing how to enjoy themselves without you
- dog reactivity
- codependent behaviour
- & more
Be honest and reflect on which of these 4 relationship states with your dog that you neglect, and which ones you indulge in. Restoring balance to these will change a lot of things for the better for you and for them. Because no dog enjoys feeling the emotions and thoughts that fuel the behaviour issues above.
Relationship Dynamics
Your dog doesn’t need you to be the ‘alpha’ of some imaginary wolf pack, but leadership and control dynamics still exist and their presence and importance is undeniable.
Leadership is present in every living being, even in plants. In any social setting, including you and your dog, if there’s a lack of leadership, someone or something WILL step up into that void. Leadership doesn’t have to be toxic, and neither does control. Think of the best leaders in your life or that you’ve seen or experienced (parent, coach, manager, teacher, boss, politician), you’ve probably enjoyed being led by them, and have been comfortable with them making decisions on your behalf.
It simply means one party is making decisions that affect the group/on behalf of the other party, and they’re following that dynamic. Simple as that. I love to give my dog as much freedom, agency and autonomy to make his own decisions as much as possible. But he doesn’t make decisions for me, and decisions that affect the group are made my me. Such as:
- where we walk
- when we walk
- how fast or how long we walk
- who we say hello to
- who’s allowed in our home
- when they eat
- who’s allowed what food
- when we sleep
- where/when we play
This is important to understand, accept and implement. Because whether you like it or not, their lives, and ours, are bigger and better when we decide how things go, and when we have a balanced relationship with them.
